It seems like life just doesn't slow down. Between work, school, kids, volunteer work, and, oh, yeah, there's that guy I married that I kind of like... There are days where I just don't feel like I can handle one more thing. I am tired, so tired. God tells us in Matthew 11:28 that we are to come to him. He says that he will give us rest when we are burdened. I tell you, I could really use some rest right now.
When I woke up this morning (an hour and a half later than normal by the way, told you I was tired) I realized that my heart did not have a desire to spend time with God. Normally when I wake up, that's the first thing I want to do. I want to make a cup of coffee, curl up in my big comfortable chair in the living room and spend time reading my Bible and praying. That desire was not there today. This morning, I made my cup of coffee, looked at my big comfortable chair, and made the choice to go downstairs and wake the kids up for school. This entire day, I have been coasting along, seeing the occasional encouraging verse on Facebook or catching a great worship song on the radio, but there has been no real desire to seek out God's presence, to go to Him. Where did that desire go?
There is another verse that has often pulled at my heart, "Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalms 51:10). God created me. He designed me exactly the way that He wanted me, so He knows there are days, and will be more days, when I feel like I can not go to Him on my own power. So, days like today, I say many small prayers. Most of them are simply repeating Psalms 51:10 over and over, begging God to create a pure heart in me, to renew my spirit that so loves to spend time with Him.
It is completely normal for us to have days where we feel that we don't have the energy to devote to anyone, including to our relationship with God. It's not ok for us to stay there and to allow the world to pull us away from our first love, the love of our Father. So I will pray for God to continue to soften my heart for Him, to create a desire for His word in my soul, and when I get my kids off to bed tonight I will pour a cup of tea, head for my big comfortable chair in the living room, and spend time in God's word, resting in his presence.
