I know that God created me by design. He has plans for my life, plans for a future that will glorify Him. So, why are there some days when I can hardly pull myself out of bed? Why do I wake up some mornings and still find myself wondering why I even bother to function at all? I believe in God. I love God. Doesn't that mean that I should no longer struggle with my own worth?
How I wish that was the case! God loves me exactly the way He created me, but sometimes I don't love myself so much. I have a supportive husband, three amazing kids, and a church family that supports us no matter what. And yet, sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder why I am even allowed to be a part of the family of God. If they really knew what I looked like inside, who I really am, the thoughts that I sometimes think... they wouldn't want me anymore. I know that I am not the only one sitting in that worship center wondering if I belong, if I should even be there, if my belief in God is really strong enough to live a life devoted to following Him.
I was reading in Ephesians this morning and I read chapter 5 verses 1-2. They say, "Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." I am a dearly loved child of God, with my internal struggles and all. He loves me so much that he was willing to endure torture and death on a cross for me. So maybe, like Paul, I will struggle with this thorn for my entire life. Maybe there will always be days when I wake up and feel like I am not worthy of God's love. But even though I feel that way, it is so far from the truth. God loves me. Me! The girl who doesn't have it all together. The mother who wonders if I am screwing my kids up for the rest of their lives. The wife who thinks my husband is way too good for me. The woman who sometimes wonders why I bother to get out of bed at all. And even if I was the only one to save, Jesus still would have hung on the cross for me. So, even when I don't feel worthy, God tells me that I truly am.
